Monday 1st April (after 12 noon so not a joke!!)

When I finished college last Wednesday I got home and by Thursday thought oh shit i've got two weeks off now and my routine is gone.   I need routine.   I don't do well without it.   I projected at least a week with no money and no money = no food treats(I had meals in the cupboards and freezer but just no treats....) and also minimal heat in the flat as the gas is gobbling away my cash.....   So I felt sorry for myself for a while before ringing my sponsor and telling her exactly what was happening i.e. having to "sell" my camera, dreading the next two weeks, whilst at the same time desperately wanting to get well.    I came off the phone from her and I had a plan for the following day .... which I stuck to .... and i rang her the next day and made another plan .... which I stuck to and this has been going on for a few days now.    Don't get me wrong, I have places to go and people to see but when I came home last Wednesday I couldn't see any of that I just two weeks of misery. 

I can confirm it hasn't been miserable.  My eating is better although I have still had the "bad stuff" at least once each day.    As each day has gone by, I can feel myself slightly lowering my grip on this fake world of food and living in the real world with the rest of the population.    I know if I keep doing it though day by day it will get easier and there will come a day in the not too distant weeks or months that I will be doing it without effort, just like I did with alcohol.   It won't even enter my head to "get some chocolate before you go home as you need something in the flat".   My aim is to be able be alone with myself without ramming food in.   I am avoiding my feelings.   I'm TERRIFIED how i'm going to feel when I don't ram in the food.  

Today have been testing "sugar art".  I decided last week that for one of my pieces I would use food for the wedding dress image I have created.   So after researching on You Tube last week, I today made some videos of myself melting sugar and creating basket type structures and covering a bottle.