nearly 2 weeks since last entry. Have had half term from college and I had a few days with family. Food has gone to pot. I'm overloaded with sugar. My mood is low. My get up and go is nearly gone and all I want to do it eat. I've had an easter egg fest even though Easter is not yet here. They were only a £ - i've had four so far.
Feel like i've definately eaten my way back up to what I was prior to last visit to the dietician. What would Derby Dennis say "what are you going to do about it"? I made the decision that I need to see the therapist again as I've realised that I need help again. I am using food to stuff down how I feel about anything and everything and part of me (the frightened part) wants to keep on doing it because I don't know what will happen if I don't have food any more to keep me safe and comfortable - another part (the sensible part) is saying "you can change this".
Scooby snacks in the night were 2 biscuit visits. I woke up this morning wanting to finish off the packet but didn't. Instead my eyes caught sight of the ingredients and I thought oooh nothing nutritious in there. A small glimmer of hope - my head is returning to healthier ways.... alas an hour at college and i've scoffed packet of crisps and feel like I've done nothing, am not good enough COMPARED to everyone else. Feel pathetic. Need to ring therapist and get appointment - it's going to be expensive tho and with money very tight not sure I can afford it. I have put in a request to GP for an extra contractual referral but that will probably take weeks and the GP said it's unlikely it will be successful.
So what can I do today? Finish this class. Ring Rita. Ring then Pam depending on the outcome of conversation with Rita. Go to class pm. Go home. Try to cook healthy tea. Don't buy anything on way home. Ring sponsor. Remember if I go to bed sober it will be a good day. Because that's my bottom line. Stop beating self up and do the best I can today.
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