I was awoken this Sunday morning with a call and I looked at it and thought mmm shall I answer because I didn't know if I wanted to part take in the day at that time. I'd gone to bed after a good day consisting of 2 meetings and a trip to Asda. The trip to Asda is where I spotted 2 choc n orange muffins on the reduce trolley. They were a bargain and they were in my basket quicker than shit flies off a shovel as the saying goes. I know if i buy 2 i will eat 2 the logical part of my brain says.... but they're cheap sooo cheap says the part of my brain that really wants the sugar that's in them.
The phone call from a man who said to me a couple of years ago "refined carbs have the same effect on the brain as alcohol did". I heard it. I was amazed. I wasn't ready to do anything about it. I forgot about it. I heard it again last year from his lips. I knew again it was the answer to sorting out my eating. Again I wasn't ready. I have been trying to have an eating plan for the last few months - cutting nothing out just eating 3 meals a day. I could still have cake, chocolate, biscuits........ all the things my mind tells me I want. However, I found myself looking forward to the meal where the sweet stuff resided. I have cut down and I have to some extent improved my eating - I haven't bought a pack of biscuits and eaten them in one sitting with one cup of tea (big cup of course for dunking) as often as I used to - last Monday was the last time. I bought them for a friend who was in hospital and i bought a packet for a meeting I was due to go to shortly after buying them. That 2nd packet did get eaten at the meeting by 4 of us. Everyone was too polite to eat the first one and I was sitting there looking at them waiting... so I picked them up and offered them round. So, the 1st packet for the friend in hospital never reached him. He came out Tuesday morning so I told myself I'll have them.
I had a couple of incidences where because I had reduced the sweet stuff, I felt like I had gone out and gotten drunk when I had some - there were 2 incidences and it freaked me out because I knew I hadn't had a drink. I rang a good lady in London who has the same problem as me and she said "it's the sugar. It's having the same effect as alcohol did.". Oh shit. My love affair with sugar is nearing its end. So all buoyed up I quit sugar and lasted two and 3/4 days. I caved in Friday night with a BIG bar of choc. I rammed it in, piece after piece like I would die if I didn't have it. Therein started the last two weeks of bad eating, cakes, biscuits, crisps, white baguettes, pasties/pies.....
I have been feeling worse as the week has gone on - fatter, more tired, routine slipping, disappointed with myself, why can't I just not eat this stuff.
The answer came again from the lips of the man who said it to me a few years ago "refined carbs can have the same effect as alcohol". And so it is with me. I believe. So, dring this conversation at 8.45 this morning which I nearly didn't have because I didn't really want to par take in the day (due to the effect this food has on me) I asked him if he knew where I could get research on brain chemistry. Quick as a flash he gave me some names and a number to get pointers to the research. It does exist.
So today is panning out to be better than I expected. I possibly would have had a lie in til 1 pm if it were not for that phone call and my better self answering it. I have eaten well: porridge and a nana, stir fry for lunch (bean sprouts, garlic, ginger, spinach and chicken) which was I have to say delicious. I have also eaten in effect my third meal which was bacon and mushroom bagel (wholemeal) which I was gagging to eat as I made it about an hour ago. I had a sweet ryvita to follow. As the day progresses though I know i'm going to be on the scavenge later. But feel quite content at this moment in time. Having this project gives me something to focus on and express my feelings.
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