I'm feeling something but not sure what it is - normally I think it's hunger but now i'm stopping and thinking what is it? Am I hungry? I've eaten well today. Almost to my plan but with an extra unexpected chocolate bar.
Had 2 toast which wasn't very appetising. Egg sandwich for lunch. Equally as unappetising as the breakfast, even the Worcester Sauce crisps didn't liven it up. The Marathon bar (now called snickers (hate it when they change the names of sweeties)) afterwards didn't even perk me up. There was not much pleasure in my food today - do people without compulsive eating issues enjoy their food - do they even think about whether they enjoyed it? Food you see is a pleasure to me; it gives me a certain feeling. But today it didn't give me that feeling of pleasure - maybe this is good? Maybe I'm going off food! I was bought a boost bar but I only eat that in the afternoon because???.... really don't know. I felt I needed it. Tea was chicken and oven chips and baked beans, again didn't enjoy it. Wanted to go out earlier and buy biscuits but haven't - only because it's too cold.
Have felt not right physically all day. Tired, fatter than normal - tummy is very bloated. Peeing more normal today but still not without bit of discomfort, also spot of blood again. Wondered if I was going to get yet another period!
Rang someone to chat about food as feeling hopeless really but I shouldnt because I haven't done too badly. I feel very out of control of spending. I'm avoiding looking at bank balance. Why am I doing this to myself? I feel unmanageable. I've only been back at college 2 weeks and my living room is chaotic with stuff everywhere (college stuff that is). So what can i do about this? Nothing right now but tomorrow when i've had a good kip.......
Tomorrow's food plan is : sausage, egg and 1 toast for breakfast, butternut squash and/or parsnip soup of soup kind (need to find a recipe) for lunch, and fish, potatoes and broccoli for tea. Cake for pudding. That's the plan. Must talk to someone tomorrow (one of my fellow overeaters). Because that's how the programme works: talk to someone with the same problem and get strength. I have to try because if I give up i'll eat and eat and eat and it will all be refined carbs ............ biscuits, crisps, chocolates and I will feel even worse than I have today.
Bit paranoid today too and skipped my thursday lunchtime meeting so need to put one in tomorrow night.
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